Today was a good day.
I went to work today and it was extremely busy. I am exhausted and just want to sleep. I keep replaying scenarios in my head and thinking about Malik. I can’t seem to forget about him. I know he’s no good, I know he purposely hurt and used me . But part of me just wants him to talk to me. I gotten a bad habit of texting him saying things I shouldn’t. I’m trying to stop this addiction.
Its been 2 years, I’m back.
It’s always been hard for me to let go. I thought that things would be easier. I wish I didn’t stress out about things like crazy. Something inside of me never lets me fully recover. It’s like I’m always back tracking on things. I didn’t really notice until I realized I couldn’t let go of my first love. I never understood how things can make me go so crazy. It’s like no matter how much I tell myself imma be fine , I know deep down I won’t. I spend nights overthinking, draining myself because I can’t let go. I try to see the better in things. I try to understand that some things just aren’t meant to be. Some people just don’t fit , and you have to learn to be ok with that. You have to be able to move on , no matter how hard it hurts. I use to hate myself for the way things ended between and others. I can never stop thinking about it. It’s like my mind stays running wild. I can never fully be happy with things ended. Even when I know its for the best, I still regret it and hate myself sometimes. Even when I know I deserve the good outcome I still feel bad. Something in my body just never fully be proud of things. Because the memory sticks… I still dream of the things I went through, I still think about shit. I still feel the pain. And I wish that I could fully be ok with things and feel better but I can’t. I just don’t know how. I don’t know how to . I don’t know how to drop the guilt and feel better about the things…… ………(To be continued)
undefined writer 🖤 